LADIES OF THE SEAVIEW
By Alwyn Chappell
The Seaview has set sail on a mission with three cleaning ladies still on board.
Three cleaning ladies: ADA, FLO, and the unseen, unheard, Beatty.
(Starring Alwyn Chappell and Pauline Pendrey)
1 Sweeping Brush, 1 Feather Duster, Baggy woolly tights (one pair having a hole in it), overalls, and one torn flowery shirt.
Somewhere on Seaview.
ADA - Admiral Nelson's in a hurry again.
FLO - He might have given us time to get off the boat before he sailed off like this.
ADA - Never mind. Let's finish the cleaning. (Starts to brush the floor.)
FLO - (dusting) You've got a hole in your stocking, Ada.
ADA - I know. I was doing crew's mess when I tripped up over Riley's surfboard.
FLO - Which one's Riley?
ADA - That young one who dashes about shouting 'Dig that fish'.
FLO - Huh! He must be on something.
ADA - (looking around) Where's Beatty?
FLO - Cleaning out the missile room.
ADA - Hope she keeps out of trouble this time.
FLO - Captain Crane was hopping mad with her last time.
ADA - Why?
FLO - She threw out all his charts along with the old newspapers. It took him a week to find his way back to Santa Barbara.
ADA - Admiral Nelson will be pleased when he sees what I have done for him.
FLO - What have you done?
ADA - I heard that he was in the middle of an important chess tournament game. All his chess pieces were on his board so I picked them up and put them back in their box and washed his chess board for him.
FLO - That should please him.
ADA - That sailor they call the girl watcher is on board.
FLO - (Looking Ada up and down) I don't think you need to worry about him.
ADA (Looks around and shouts to Beatty) Are you still in the missile room, Beatty? Stay away from any big cupboards.
FLO - Why?
ADA - Last time she went round opening cupboard doors a great big horrible hairy monster ran out and chased Mr. Morton. It gave him quite a scare.
FLO - I'm surprised he even noticed it.
ADA - Patterson pointed it out to him.
FLO - Chief Sharkey asked me to wash his favourite shirt for him. (She holds up a shirt full of holes.)
ADA - Looks like its luck has run out.
FLO - What's Beatty up to now?
ADA - (Listens) She says she's just cleaning the 'Safe' panel.
FLO - What safe panel?
ADA - She must mean the 'Fail-safe' panel.
BOTH - (Shouting) No! Beatty! Don't push that button . . .
BANG (Loud explosion.) Lights go out.
Copyright 1998 by Alwyn Chappell
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