Standard Rules and Regulations

Governing Operations of

SSRN SEAVIEW

by Doug Diamond

 

1. Personnel

All crewmen are to wear RED or BLUE overalls, depending upon their status. Those who can utter more than two lines of dialogue are to be outfitted in RED; those who are incapable of speech (or if it's not in their contract to orate) are relegated to BLUE uniforms. There are to be NO exceptions. (Except crewman Patterson - eds.) These rules are in accordance with regulation IA-612(b).

 

2. Shipboard Equipment

Control Panel Regulations: All electronic-control equipment must be properly operated and maintained in accordance with regulation IA-86 (c) whereby all paneling with flashing lights may not have consecutive conflicting colors. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Example: A red light may be adjacent to a blue or white or green light, but red with red, or white with white is NOT acceptable. Please make certain that color coordination is within these guidelines. It is also a good practice (but not a regulation) to coordinate illuminated panels so that their flashing may appear random, and without any particular sequence. SPARKING and FLARING of equipment should be encouraged, but within reasonable limits. Use standard CO2 extinguishers when the fireworks display begins to go beyond the Grucci Family's standards of good taste.

 

3. Intruders:

Regarding Monsters, Saboteurs, and Aliens: all incidents of beings (who qualify as non-crewmembers) found roaming the corridors, that fall into the category of sea creatures, extra-terrestrials, mad scientists, spies of varying nationalities and phantoms/ghosts should be approached with extreme caution at all times. If possible, notify a commanding officer of the arrival of an alien intruder and wait for instructions. However, should you be a BLUE suited crewman it is completely within acceptable guidelines for you to take matters upon yourself and approach said intruder, engaging the invader in hand-to-hand combat (since bullets usually do not work well on most of the aforementioned threats). Death of the crewman is almost always the outcome in these cases, but it is one of the harsh realities of serving aboard a nuclear-research vessel such as Seaview.

 

4. Shore Leave

Shore leave is vital in keeping the morale of the crew at its highest levels. Therefore, crew on leave should have a good time. It should be noted that BLUE suited crewmembers may have difficulties with some activities related to leave as many of them are incapable of communicating verbally. In this regard we recommend that they be teamed with, or chaperoned by, RED suited crewmembers to alleviate any problems that may arise therein. IMPORTANT NOTICE: all crewmembers should refrain from taking leave in countries/locales known to harbor international terrorists/spies, mad scientists, to contain paranormal activity. We have had our share of problems in this area and are trying to maintain `normal order' aboard ship. PLEASE ABIDE BY THESE RULES.

 

5. Extra-Vehicular Activities (Off-Ship Duties)

5.1. Flying Sub Operations:

Only designated crewmembers are allowed to operate the three (remaining) flying subs. One is always berthed in the nose section of the submarine. The senior officers have 'open-ended' access to operate this craft, while enlisted men (this includes RED and BLUE suited crewmen) are not authorized to operate, or enter upon said vehicle without special permission from their commanding officer. As well, any officer or crewman under the influence of alcohol, werewolves, phantoms, alien entities, illicit drugs, the lure of mermaids, etc., will not be permitted to operate a flying sub. Additionally, learner's permits for Flying Sub operation may be obtained from Lt. Comdr. Chip Morton. [NOTE: only RED suited crewmen may apply for a permit - BLUE suited crewmen do not have this privilege at the present time. BLUE suited crewmembers may enter upon (but not operate) a flying sub only with the supervision of an officer or authorized RED suited crewmember.]

5.2. Standard SCUBA Gear:

SCUBA equipment may be worn/operated by professionally trained members of the crew - whether officers or enlisted men. Please be aware that you are NEVER to use the YELLOW wet suit as it is reserved expressly for Commander Lee Crane. He is not a "happy camper" when it becomes clear that "his gear" has been used without his permission. Please note also that the SILVER suit is reserved for Admiral Harriman Nelson - not that it would fit anyone else anyway. Any other color is acceptable. All attempts should be made to return gear without damage attributable to shark bites, laser/sonic blasts, or bullet holes. Salary will be docked from crewman's pay for repair costs to scuba equipment should he be unable to avoid the above hazards. (Unfortunately, we are on a tight budget.)

5.3. Deep Diving Gear:

In the case of a deep-dive, it is recommended that we rely on the suit owned by Professor John Robinson of Alpha Control. The inventor of the original patented Deep Dive suit, Stan Kowalski, had been found by NIMR to be unreliable in a previous deep-dive incident.

 

6. Security

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7. Reactor Room Procedures

Reactor room detail: all crew assigned to Reactor Room duty must wear protective gear at all times while on duty in accordance with regulation IA-26 of the NIMR Operating Procedures. [NOTE: only senior officers are allowed to enter the Reactor Room without protective gear. (Don't worry, they're just trying to soak up some rays.)]

WARNING: if a senior officer attempts to pull the rods from the reactor core, chances are he is under the control of an alien entity, Capt. Krueger's ghost, or perhaps is just having a 'bad hair day'. Alert the Control Room immediately should the situation get out of hand (i.e., if the officer goes 'postal'). If you are a RED suited crewman, attempt to flee; should you be a BLUE suited crewman, you may do whatever you feel necessary to prevent the crazed officer from causing a complete meltdown (or at the very least a gratuitous fireworks display). Also, you should be aware that we have been (and probably will continue to be) a target by for aliens, spies, etc., in search of a portable source of nuclear fuel. Therefore, do not be alarmed if you should encounter anything strange or unusual in the course of your duty watch.

 

8. Dealing With Undersea Creatures

The Seaview, in all likelihood, will be encountering various overgrown flora and/or fauna during its intrepid exploration of the murky depths. The encounter will generally occur thusly:

1. Nelson and/or Crane pick up intercom mike, call Reactor Room and tell them to prepare to shoot a charge through the hull.

2. Nelson and/or Crane pull odd looking periscope device down from ceiling and zap the annoying denizen of the deep with the handy-dandy nose search light/laser beam!

3. If it's a slow day, then Nelson and/or Crane may use a more mundane method of euthanasia for our escapee from the Lost in Space set, such as a missile or torpedo. [On an additional side note: Sea Monsters also see the Diving Bell and Flying Sub as irresistible opportunities for mischief. Caution should be exercised while operating either of these vehicles!!!]

 

9. Circuit Breakers and Fuses

At no time are circuit breakers or fuses to be installed in any electrical equipment.


Copyright 1997 Doug Diamond


Special thanks to Scott Musogoji and Blair Sterling for their wonderful contributions.

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