From: The Admiral (Code names: tmbrwolf; Barbara Paul)
To: Captain Lee Crane
Subject: the "Page"
Lee, the Admiral here. Having some problems accessing the "page". I keep getting: "FILE NOT FOUND". The boys in Communications haven't coded this thing and forgotten to send the decode have they? Please Advise.
ComSubPac believes Commies were jamming your modem. I've ordered Sparks to place a direct Link to NIMR Reports in this memo. All you have to do is click and go: [Coded . . . Access denied . . . Coded . . . Access denied . . . Coded . . . Access denied]
Please advise immediately if said Link is not working--in that case, Sparks will be doing his next duty Watch from the Brig!
Captain Lee Crane, USNR
Appreciate the secured line. Found the problem. Wasn't Sparks's fault. That's what I get for buying surplus communications gear from the Army. Link has been established, thanks. Now I can sleep tonight.
May I respectfully suggest you cut that big fat gigantic salary of yours a little and spend the saved $$$ on better equipment--latrines for Seaview would be a nice stocking stuffer for the crew.
The son you never had,
Request granted. New latrines have been ordered. They're expected to be on the NIMR pier for loading on Tuesday. Make sure the Chief handles this one personally. Oh, and each item comes with a supply of paperwork to finish the job. Enjoy.
Yippee! Thanks Dad! I mean . . . Admiral. Haven't seen the Chief looking this happy since that time Patterson and I mysteriously recovered from fatal radiation poisoning. Sorry about shooting off that nuclear missile at the Fleet. Hey, no harm done, right?
The Best Darn Captain this Side of Star Fleet,
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