The Unofficial Episode Guide
by Bruce Strong
T'was Seaview and the Polidor
Did sail beneath the waves,
But fear gas in each corridor
Sent Anders to his grave.
So Seaview alone was left to see
A City Beneath the Sea,
And volcanic gas made Lee and Harry
Werewolves, one, two, three.
And when the child King arrived,
A brat upon the decks,
T'was Old St. Nick in Archie's guise
Did grab him by the neck.
A flying saucer hit the sea -
That guy had Nelson's face!
Then Crane delivered them some fuel
And so they left this place.
Aliens did take away
Our own dear Chip to Venus.
He could have won without Lee's help.
(But just keep that between us!)
"Avast ye lubbers!" was the cry
When Blackbeard came on board;
Kowalski with a rakish eye
Got to brandish his own sword.
The Lobstermen made their attack,
Though they were quickly steamed.
Then Rockmen tried a different tack
And were broken at the seams.
A tasty treat, the diving bell
Became for one big whale.
Lee rescued all, said "What the hell!"
And kicked it in the tail.
One hundred and ten episodes
Of Voyage for us to view.
Have I a verse for all of them?
Well, all but one or two.
"I treated you like a brother!"
Nelson cried with strangled breath.
But Lee's own self reliance
Saved them all from death.
A giant hermit crab controlled
A band of deadly puppets.
"Too bad, too bad", t'was all he told
When it got its come uppance.
And this one rock cliff
Must have a magnetic attraction
For baddie torps slammed into it
Whenever they saw action.
"We're at Crush Depth!" they all were told
Above the sonar's beeper.
But with each passing episode
That depth got deeper and deeper.
But I'll not fault these valiant men
'Though many sets they wreck
While all the Gals use VCR's
To look for "Special Effects".
Heat somehow made ice sink, not float
The day the sky caught fire.
The UN said, "Don't nuke the sky."
Much to Nelson's ire.
But Nelson launched it anyway.
Which Riley thought was groovy
And then the missile saved the day.
Just like in the movie.
A metal Nessie wanna-be
Brought Seaview to Loch Ness.
Mini-subs make fine torpedoes,
And left that fake a mess.
"I can't stop eating!" Buono said
"But my cyborgs are first rate!"
Nelson shorted their circuits dead:
A messy nasty fate.
They killed Krueger's ghost in Phantom 1.
Hmmm, ghost killed by mortal hand?
When he returned, they used no gun,
But nuked an entire island
The fire monster was something new;
Beating it was quite the job.
They froze it out with CO2
(Stole that one from The Blob)
The Creature came in Black and White.
Nelson defeated it; but then,
It returned in color for a second fight.
So they blew it up again.
A giant leafy monster
In Condemned did show its face.
Irwin had it painted red
And reused it in Lost in Space.
Kissing Crane in some episodes
Leads to death or worse.
(I'll bet Lori thinks I'll sing la la la
Before I end this verse).
T'was Seaview and the Polidor
Did sail beneath the waves
In re-runs now forever more
So all their fans are saved.
Copyright 1999 by Bruce Strong
Please send your comments to Bruce at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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